It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I am available for nakedness
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
