He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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