I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
