if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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