as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
