I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
