wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
