Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
