He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
