Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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