Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
