It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
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