I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
