considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
