so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
