you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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