That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
