Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
