Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
