I love black thongs
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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