Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
