theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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