my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
So drunk its hurt
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
