I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
