Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
