I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
