remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
