Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
