never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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