Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
