i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
