The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
