Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
