god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
