you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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