she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
