I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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