I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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