She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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