splinters make it hard to masturbate
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
