I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
