some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
