3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
