We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
