I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
