like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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