I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
