Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
