i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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