I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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