I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
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