i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
