I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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