I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
